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*head, meet desk*

Anyone who knows me or has read one of my blogs or memes knows I have commitment issues, the lack of a 'romantical' bone in my body, my dislike of red roses and romance novels and mushy movies & my outright *hatred* of Valentine's day, etc. For as long as I can remember, my mom/aunts/mom's friends have repeatedly filled my head with "men are evil, NEVER EVER get married, you'll be sorry if you do". To help prevent such a catastrophic event, I was forbidden to date in high school (though I did 'visit the library' a lot). Presumably, the same rule was in effect for college, but I was away from home & did date, though I never admitted this to my mother for fear she'd lock me up. I have introduced some of my post-college boyfriends to her, and she hated each & every one (though I *know* she would've loved them if they were JUST friends because they were all good guys, even if they are exes).

A couple years ago, she mentioned that this guy we knew would make a great son-in-law and when I asked (sarcastically) if she wanted me to date him or something, she was all "OH GOD NO!" Maybe I'm missing something, but I'm pretty sure you have to date before heading down the aisle (unless you're Apostolic, but that's neither here nor there).

So imagine my surprise yesterday morning, when she did a complete 180 on me. Since it was Sunday, I was spending the day with her...church, baking, wrapping presents, watching Xmas specials...and on the way to church we were discussing my cousins and I said how happy I was that they were finally all married because that means the only wedding I'll ever need to attend in the future is my brother's (I.DESPISE.WEDDINGS.). And she hits me with "Oh, I really really wish you'd get married." HUH?!?!?! So all I hear ALL.DAY.LONG. yesterday is how I should settle down & have babies and the thought makes me *ill*, quite honestly. I'm barely capable of basic domestic duties and I don't have one ounce of maternal instinct.

[And the thought of living in the same house with someone scares the bejesus out of me. If I were to get married, he'd have to live (preferably) in another state & just send money and maybe visit for a day every few weeks. For an example, I love my current bf Sean to death, but I'm pretty sure I couldn't put up with sharing a house with him for more than 2 weeks. I'm just too set in my ways.]

Then one of my anti-men aunts calls me last night and 'casually' slips in a "are you planning on getting married soon? you'll be 30 in just a couple years and all of your YOUNGER cousins are married with kids...". I don't know if they're suddenly all going to gang up on me or what, but it's given me a stress headache & I couldn't sleep last night.

Is one day of badgering supposed to erase 20+ years of anti-marriage indoctrination? Me & the concept of marriage don't even coexist in the same galaxy right now. I ~hate~ being all confused.

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May 2018


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