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Yesterday I ditched work early to go see Twilight. And before you judge, I assure you *anything* is better than 9 full mind-numbing hours at my job.

My love/hate thing with the whole ~phenomenon~ has been well documented, so what did I think of the movie?

I thought it was.....sorta really awesome.

**Spoilers lurking behind the cut. But are they truly spoilers if you've read the book.......??

The Good
*OMFG Carlisle's first appearance in the movie, when he makes his grand entrance into the ER after Bella's scrape with death. Siriusly, I would've fallen off the gurney, just sayin'. Peter Facinelli is a beautiful man, even when it looks like they've coated him in flour. (KINK!)

*The human kids, especially Mike & Eric. So freaking funny. Who knew they had personalities, RIGHT SMEYER???

*The cheesetastically wonderful slo-mo entrance of the Cullen kids into the cafeteria. They're all so.fucking.fierce. (Emmett, call me!)

*The baseball game! So freaking cool! And I love Jasper's little tricks with the aluminum bat. And it's endearingly dorky that the fam has ~team uniforms~.

*The vamps' eyes look really cool with those golden contact lenses. I want a pair!

*Surprisingly, Nikki Reed is a good Rosalie. She's bitchy, frosty & as fierce as hell as the diva vamp, though still not quite ~the most beautiful girl in the world~. I personally think Ashley Greene (who plays Alice) is a spectacularly gorgeous girl and should've played Rose, but they didn't ask me.

*I love that they made Emmett into a Frat!Boy! vamp.

*The Cullens' cooking. The cutest scene in the whole movie.

*KStew was not nearly as horrible as I thought she'd be as Bella. In fact, she kinda made me like Bella.

*Jacob was only in 4 scenes!!! And his douchebaggery wasn't on display!!! I didn't even have to chuck Mike & Ikes at the screen whenever he showed up.

*The scenery is gorgeous.

*Laurent & Victoria are freaking cool. He's sort of dashing & sophisticated, while she reminds me of a blood-sucking rock chick/groupie. Kind of Anne-Rice-meets-Almost Famous.

*The BIG FIGHT SCENE. Pretty darn spectacular for a movie without a $150 million budget.

The Bad
*RPattz. He spends 90% of the movie looking awkward/nauseous/constipated; 8% looking like one of the Creepy Abusive Teen Boyfriends in an Afterschool Special; and 2% being sort of charming & cute & Edward-ish. Seriously, his face in the first biology class scene is ~classic~. And don't even get me started on the part where he sucks James' venom out of Bella...

*Speaking of that first biology class...the cheesy (but not in a good way) bit where Bella stops in front of a fan, which blows her hair (and scent) in slo-mo towards Edward. I laughed out loud, and I'm pretty sure I wasn't supposed to.


*The 'spider monkey' bit where Edward flies thru the treetops with Bella on his back. Purposeless, lulzy and the effects look so fake.

*Edward's dazzly-ness. He looks like he rolled around in Bonne Bell glitter lotion.

*Edward's wardrobe. He wears plain t-shirts. Really? I always sort of figured Edwars was a GQ kinda guy.

*WTF was up with that field trip? Nothing happened that couldn't have happened back at the school.

*Dialogue lifted straight out of the book. Just because people have that stupid line about the lion falling in love with the lamb tattooed on themselves doesn't mean it's a good line.

The Ugly

I'm *pretty* sure this is the guy I see in the Pak-a-Sak every weekend buying rolling papers, beef jerky and a 6-pack of PBR. He drives an '87 Trans-Am with a cassette player so he can blast Skynyrd on his way back to the trailer park that has a meth lab in the tool shed. Should I be worried?

/end of making fun of rednecks

I don't get why they made James look like this. I mean, the actor that plays him, Cam Gigidy, is a good-looking guy...

...he's like pretty enough to play Edward, if he were a smidgen younger. So why-for-the-love-of-Carlisle did they fug him up??? IDGI.

Honorable mention goes to Jacob's obviously fake wig WITH A WIDOW'S PEAK. It made him look like a teenaged boy channeling Morticia Adams.

So, for the tl;dr crowd: mindless fun, not as stupid as SMeyers probably wanted it to be, go see it if you have a few extra bucks (or save yourself some money & look for a Torrent if you're down with that).


( 4 chants — crowd chant! )
Nov. 25th, 2008 11:14 pm (UTC)
Love this review so much. I lol'd hardcore. :D

Another thing that bothered me was I didn't like the Cullen house at all.
Nov. 26th, 2008 03:39 pm (UTC)
I *KNOW*, me too! I was talking to my neighbor girl last night and her 2 least favorite things about the movie where the Cullen house & Bella's house and I got to thinking about it...and I agree. I pictured the Cullen house to have huuuuuuge spacious rooms with high ceilings and to be all white (for some reason). And it ended up being twisty-and-turny & sort of small. And WTF was up with Edward's room? It was about the size of a closet and was as narrow as a hallway!
Nov. 27th, 2008 06:02 am (UTC)
Lol! There were way too many windows. After I commented yesterday, I even looked up the actual description of the Cullen house and it's just like you said; white, three stories, really tall, etc., etc. The house in the film was way too contemporary looking.
Nov. 28th, 2008 12:50 pm (UTC)
I was meaning to look that up, too. I thought we were right ;)

Still...this is so pathetic...I really want to go see it again.
*hangs head in shame*
( 4 chants — crowd chant! )

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