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I've finally come to terms with 'Twilight'.

If you've read some of my past journal entries, you'll know of my love/hate relationship with the Twilight ~saga~. I still think Breaking Dawn is the shiteous piece of shit that was ever shat, but I'm ridiculously excited for the release of the movie tomorrow night. So how did I reconcile my obsession with the movie adaptation with my blinding hatred for Breaking Dawn/Stephenie Meyers' delusions of grandeur?

It only took one little realization for me to put the whole thing into perspective:



I've hated Jacob's whiny manipulative ass since his first appearance in the books, that's no secret. But it finally hit me that I don't like Bella or Edward any better. (Which in retrospect, makes me glad that they didn't cast an actor & actress I liked as those characters.)

I finally realized that Bella isn't just weak in the last book, she's weak from page 1, book 1. (And by the 'last' book, I mean Eclipse because I refuse to acknowledge the fourth book as a part of the series. In my mind, Wolf!Jacob is tragically run over by one of the Ice Road Truckers after running away; Jasper finally gets the go-ahead to eat Bella; and Edward goes to Volturra and gets his deathwish granted; while the rest of the Cullens live happily ever after having their memories modified by a group of Obliviators from the Ministry of Magic.) She reminds me of waaaaaay too many GROWN WOMEN I know who can't exist without a man in their life, no matter how bad that man might treat them. But that's another rant. Bella is the enemy of Girl Power.

Edward...Edward is just creepy. He could totally be an UnSub on Criminal Minds, the creepy creeper. I bet when he's not stalking Bella to watch her sleep (in the name of romance), that he writes terrible poetry that compares being away from Bella to having his beating, bloody heart ripped from his chest and Chlorox poured into the gaping wound. Gaaa-aag.

Now I feel totally at peace with my seemingly paradoxical feelings about the whole ~phenomenon~ and can watch the movie with a clear head. I'm wondering if I can zone out during the E&B parts and only pay attention when Carlisle/Esme/Alice/Jasper/Emmett/Rose grace the screen? (I really don't think I can handle RPattz' Cro-Magnon brow & KStew's alien head & perma-bitchface on the big screen; Peter Facinelli as Carlisle? That's another story. DILF!!!)

Anyhoo, a friend and I are going to a Monday afternoon screening, so hopefully we'll avoid the hyper-emotional tweens. And be able to carry out our plan of chucking Mike & Ikes at the screen everytime Jacob is on.

Comments

( 4 chants — crowd chant! )
celtic_fish
Nov. 20th, 2008 06:35 pm (UTC)
You go, girl, and I totally agree. :) Jacob annoys me, and they could have done a lot to make Bella less...needy, I think, is the best way of putting it. And while I like Edward on principle, I do find the whole "sneaking in to watch you sleep" thing creepy and stalkerish. But I would love to just hang with the Cullens and go shopping with Alice some day!

I'll be thinking of you at the Whomping Willows concert Sunday night!!
amyofaquitaine
Nov. 20th, 2008 09:33 pm (UTC)
I think I want a Cullens Only cut of the film. Sure, it'd probably be only 15 minutes long, but I could deal with that :)

The Whomping Willows!!! Oh, I'm jealous! I really love them, but I have to admit I've been slacking on listening to Wrock lately *is a bad HP fan*.
rowan_belle
Nov. 21st, 2008 12:14 am (UTC)
Haha, I completely agree with you about the complete and utter disaster that IS Breaking Dawn. That's probably the worst book I ever read in my entire life. And creepy Edward - you hit the nail on the head!
amyofaquitaine
Nov. 21st, 2008 12:26 am (UTC)
I returned my copy of BD to Borders for a full refund. I refuse to have that trash defile my bookshelf. Now if I could just bleach the memory of reading it from my mind..... ;)
( 4 chants — crowd chant! )

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