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Fresh meat.

I work in an office that is 99% women. It's been this way for the last 2 years. There are about 65 women & 3 men...the two managers (one is in his 40s, the other in his late 50s) and J-Dawg (revolting lump with poor personal hygeine & no manners to speak of).

Well, three weeks ago we got our first new blood in ages in the form of 12 new contractors. Two of which are guys in their early to mid-20s. (Strangely enough, they both remind me of Sully from Harper's Island, only with 100% more polos with popped collars & 97% less hot.)

Last Friday, the contractors were released from the bowels of the training room and given their own cubicles. Nothing special, right?

WRONG.

About 10 minutes after Blond Polo-wearing Guy #1 was moved into the row of cubes next to me, I heard something not unlike a flock (?) of chickens cackling maniacally. Thinking I was missing a party or girl fight or public witch burning, I yanked out my earbuds & stood up to peer over the cubie walls to see what was going on.

Amusingly enough, it was a gaggle of female co-workers...all in their 50s...spilling out of Blond Polo-wearing Guy #1's cubicle, laughing shrilly at whatever he was saying. It went on for a good 15 minutes & now IT WILL NOT END. At any given time, there are at least two middle-aged women in his cubie, giggling like junior high girls. It's like feeding time in the cougar exhibit @ the zoo! And to top it off, all the 30-something divorced soccer moms are starting to hover like vultures now. It's to the point that you can't even get to the copier or printer because there are women blocking the damn aisle.

I swear, one more abnormally high-pitched giggle followed by an "Oh, Ryan!" and I'm chucking a stapler at somebody's head.

(I need to venture into the next room sometime to see if Blond Polo-wearing Guy #2 is getting the same "welcome"....)

****Yes, I know my percentage in the first sentence is off. I can't be bothered with math.

****Also, Blond Polo-wearing Guy #1 is dumb. My cubicle is a shrine to hockey, swimming & Harry Potter. He stopped by the other day & asked if I liked hockey, swimming & Harry Potter (with no signs that he was joking). I told him the 578933546 pics were there when I moved in. He then asked if I was related to the athletes I have photos of. Yes, yes I am. Sidney Crosby and Cullen Jones are my brothers. Michael Phelps, Tyler Kennedy, Kris Letang & Jordan Staal are all cousins. Jamie Langenbrunner is my dad. Zach Parise, Ryan Lochte & Aaron Peirsol are my husbands. And don't forget Uncle Peter Vanderkaay & Uncle Marc-Andre Fleury!!! SINCE WHEN DO YOU HAVE TO BE RELATED TO PEOPLE TO HANG THEIR PICS IN YOUR CUBIE?!? He's damn lucky he didn't get a stapler upside the head...

Comments

( 23 chants — crowd chant! )
thepeculiarcat
Jul. 29th, 2009 01:39 pm (UTC)
Heh, I worked in an environment similar to that for 8 years, but with the genders switched. I was one of a handful of women and if another showed up, even to visit (like my sister would do), the guys would lose it. Yeah, it was a Boy Scout camp, but things were still kinda crazy. Especially since we lived there.
And I was the only hockey fan.
amyofaquitaine
Jul. 29th, 2009 01:52 pm (UTC)
Oooh, icon love! I love pin-up girls :P

It's INSANITY. I've never in my life.........WHY DO PEOPLE ACT SO STUPID?? I don't even know, I'm going to give up trying to make sense of it.

I'm the only hockey fan here & therefore everyone thinks I'm a ~freak~. I get snide remarks for liking a sport as "unladylike" as hockey, but the chicks with NASCAR & Ultimate Fighting pics don't hear crap for it. WTF?
thepeculiarcat
Jul. 29th, 2009 03:36 pm (UTC)
Hormones? Most of my male coworkers were in their teens and twenties. For the older women- the cougar affect. I blame the media. ;)
Its still obnoxious though.

I'm the only hockey fan here & therefore everyone thinks I'm a ~freak~. I get snide remarks for liking a sport as "unladylike" as hockey, but the chicks with NASCAR & Ultimate Fighting pics don't hear crap for it. WTF?
Ditto. Though around here its becoming less strange thanks to the growing popularity of the Capitals. Pff. I'm no bandwagon fan...
amyofaquitaine
Jul. 29th, 2009 03:43 pm (UTC)
Totally. I'm starting to feel bad for the Polo Brothers (assuming both are getting the same obnoxious treatment).

Randomly...the Komets' colors are orange & black...I wore an orange shirt yesterday (not a K's t-shirt, but a regular shirt) and the most annoying woman in the building someone came up to me & asked why I was wearing orange since the Komets didn't have a game last night. She's *obsessed* with me wearing orange in relation to Komets' games...during the season I wear orange randomly just to mess with her head. She LITERALLY doesn't understand why I wear orange when the Komets don't have a game. WTF? (And I know she's not being 'ironic' or anything because I was forced to sit beside her for a year & I don't think she'd know ironic if it hit her in the head.)
muscovian
Jul. 29th, 2009 04:35 pm (UTC)
LMFAOOOO. Langenbrunner is my dad made me rofl.
amyofaquitaine
Jul. 29th, 2009 06:57 pm (UTC)
Well, he is ~old~.... :P
glassliketears
Jul. 29th, 2009 06:03 pm (UTC)
"Zach Parise, Ryan Lochte & Aaron Peirsol are my husbands. And don't forget Uncle Peter Vanderkaay & Uncle Marc-Andre Fleury!!!"
I lol'd through the whole last section...however those sentences were my favorites. I also love how you threaten bodily harm with staplers. If I had to deal with that ridiculousness I would be doing the same thing.

Ironically this weekend I encountered a cougar situation with a DRUNK 50 year old woman and a younger guy in his 30s named Ryan. So fear not, you aren't the only one being put through hell.
amyofaquitaine
Jul. 29th, 2009 07:00 pm (UTC)
If I had a dime for everytime I threatened under my breath to throw a stapler, I'd be summering in the Hamptons instead of putting up with such ridiculousness ;-)

Cougar situations are funny in their own way, but I still suffer second-hand embarrassment. And there must be something about the name "Ryan"...
agape_eternal
Jul. 30th, 2009 12:07 am (UTC)
wow...

also, yay for NARF XD
amyofaquitaine
Jul. 30th, 2009 01:06 am (UTC)
LOL I want a POIT! one too :P
agape_eternal
Jul. 30th, 2009 01:10 am (UTC)
lol if you find it, let me know XDDD
fairygirl03
Jul. 30th, 2009 12:26 am (UTC)
It's like feeding time in the cougar exhibit @ the zoo!

Sorry, that made me LOL so hard! XD

Wow. You know, I think that happens when new males work ANYWHERE. It's like that at my job, The Troll is the newbie guy and he's just (well, if you remember from my post, what he's like) not anything remotely good and he has the girls in there wrapped around his finger. Same for the guy before him. Idfgi.

But you should throw a stappler, they would probably steer clear of you and do the whole "you know what she did this one time? Don't get on her bad side!" whisper thing ;) lol.

but Sorry you have to deal with that AND J-Dawg. Talk about cruel.
amyofaquitaine
Jul. 30th, 2009 01:10 am (UTC)
It makes me SAD to be a woman when I see other women acting like that. HOW PATHETIC, y'know?

That'd be awesome if I got a ~reputation~ like that @ work...I'd be ecstatic if everyone steered clear of me! I work with idiots!

OMG J-DAWG HAS CLIPPED HIS FINGERNAILS 3 TIMES IN THE PAST 2 DAYS. WHOSE NAILS GROW THAT FAST? BETWEEN THAT & HIS NEW FAVORITE THING, SLURPING YOGURT OFF HIS FINGERS (I HAVE NOOOO IDEA HOW HE GETS IT ON HIS FINGERS & I DON'T WANT TO KNOW)....UGH, I'VE GOT A STAPLER WITH HIS NAME ON IT!
fairygirl03
Jul. 30th, 2009 03:51 am (UTC)
Oh I know. I feel like smacking them half the time and asking "WTF is wrong with you?!" I should probably do that one day, but I probably wouldn't get more than a shrug. bleh.

3 time in 2 days?! Hoooooow is that possible? Ugh, I don't think I want to know, that's disgusting! And ewwww. He must have been raised in a barn, I swear. Are you sure it's a actual girl he has and not some robot or something?
amyofaquitaine
Jul. 30th, 2009 12:58 pm (UTC)
YES. Everytime I turn around, snip-snip-snip then he knocks the clippings off of his desk onto the floor. VOMITCITY. I'm totally waiting for him to take off his shoes and do his toenails one of these days *shudder*.

I've seen her. She *seems* real. And has really low standards. I should totally sneak in my camera & take a pic of the hugeass photo he has of the 2 of them on his desk. It's the most awkward portrait EVER. My brother & I had to stop in the office one Sunday & I thought Kev would die laughing when he saw the pic. It's a classic.

Wow, I'm a mean bitch LOLOLOL.
fairygirl03
Jul. 31st, 2009 09:22 am (UTC)
Ew, he dumps them on the floor?! Okay, I ~know~ someone comes in and cleans but c'mon, that's just DISGUSTING. And with the way he clips his nails, I would have thunk he does his toes there as well... sounds like he wouldn't have a problem with ~that~.

LOL. I can't only imagine what that looks like. Maybe he has her drugged? Idk, but I some how just can't seem to accept that someone would willingly be with someone like him, ick. And you totally sneak that camera in... he has to go to the bathroom sometime... not that I'm encouraging you or anything... 0:)

Naw. Or, I don't think so ;P
amyofaquitaine
Jul. 31st, 2009 12:18 pm (UTC)
Yes, he totally does, and the worst thing is...our cleaning person sucks donkey balls & only sweeps the aisles, not inside our cubies or anything (seriously, I have one of those push sweeper things that flick the stuff inside to do my own floor)....soooo I'm sure the floor of his cube is fingernail clipping central. VOMIT.

AND OMG HE GOT TO WORK THE SAME TIME I DID THIS MORNING AND CLIPPED THEM *AGAIN*!!!! WTF??????????

She calls him like 5 times a day and he treats her like dirt. He's waaaaay more interested in his World Of Warcraft friends than her. Did I ever mention he was late to his own wedding because he was playing WoW? He thought it was funny. Some people should NOT be married......

Awww, but I *want* to be a mean bitch LOLOLOL!!!! ;)
fairygirl03
Aug. 1st, 2009 11:15 am (UTC)
VOMITCITY. Ugh, I bet walking into is cubie, you can hear the crunch of all the fingernails just laying on the floor... gag. (and btw, I've ALWAYS wanted one of those push sweeper things! lol)

NO FUCKING WAY! Maybe he has ~issues~ with having nails that are ~this~ size and has to clip them all the time? Idk, I give up trying to figure that weird-ball out.

Ugh. I'm not surprised. WoW? Srsly, how did I not guess that. Colored me surprised, skippy! I wouldn't be shocked if he thought he was some hot thing or something...

Okay fine, you're a mean, rotten bitch going to hell? LOLOLOL :P
amyofaquitaine
Aug. 1st, 2009 01:45 pm (UTC)
OHMYGROSSNESS.

Ugh, he clipped them again yesterday afternoon. I'm not even kidding. And he totally does think he's hot, judging by the was he was sprawled back in his chair while on a conference call yesterday. I'd gone to the rr & he was laying there all *BLURGH* when I got back. I gave him the most disgusted look LOLOLOL. I'm a ragaing bitch @ work.

Okay fine, you're a mean, rotten bitch going to hell? LOLOLOL :P
Am I??? AWESOME. SCORE!!! *fist-pump of victory*
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amyofaquitaine
Jul. 30th, 2009 01:06 pm (UTC)
Maybe the people in charge of the schedule take their reactions to ~males~ into consideration & don't schedule them all @ the same time on purpose. No one wants to see old lady fights! NOT HOT. And why take a chance of ~mass heart attacks~, y/y? ;P

LOL if I would've thrown in "Tween Dream" & "Le Tigre", he would've thought there was some weird incestuous shit going down LOLOLOLOL. It's even worse when I have Komets pics I've taken hanging up (they've been replaced by swimming cause I'm mad @ my ex-bb V). People are like "do you know them? Is that your boyfriend?" Like I have 20+ boyfriends. And I know them, but it's not like I hang out with them in most cases. Nosy bitches LOLOLOL.

Oh, and you need to check out this. Yes, I'm trying to ~sway~ you :P
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amyofaquitaine
Jul. 30th, 2009 08:34 pm (UTC)
Ivan & Evan? Bet that's not confusing!

And of course the one named KRIS is cute! It's the ~name~ LOL.

Once when the IT guy asked me if I liked hockey, I told him no, I just liked violent men :P

YES YOU SHOULD TOTALLY POST ABOUT YOUR CONCERT EVEN THOUGH I ONLY KNOW LIKE 1 SONG BETWEEN THOSE 2 GROUPS LOLOLOL.
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amyofaquitaine
Jul. 31st, 2009 12:15 pm (UTC)
I don't know the exact name of it...recent one by All- American Rejects, with a gramatically incorrect title LOL...
(Deleted comment)
amyofaquitaine
Jul. 31st, 2009 08:21 pm (UTC)
THAT'S IT!!!! lolololol
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